Rollin' Like Sisyphus

This Is Not A Culture

Posted in Greatest Hits by Huckleberry on August 2, 2012

Every culture is, of course, merely relative to its corresponding civilization. Plus, it least it’s not feces! Yet.

How do you determine when a culture has passed its Sell-By date?
When the patronage of an establishment that sells a Goddamn, motherfucking $2.95 chicken sandwich (grilled or fried!) is the be-all-end-all litmus test for political, moral, and social integrity.
Are you kidding me?
Are you absolutely fucking kidding me?
It’s a Goddamn, motherfucking chicken sandwich.
I’m irritated with both sides of the issue here, but before the six of you who still read this blog warm up the flame throwers, allow me to explain.
Although everyone mired in this, the Rosa Parks of the 21st Century, assumes that the central issue is gay marriage, the fact is that it has nothing to do with gay marriage, civil rights, free speech or any
of the usual hooey that the hairpieces with microphones chap their gums about.
The problem is that this culture, as it moves on toward an inexorable and much needed end, has adopted an understanding that no one can be offended for any reason, for any amount of time, about anything, and
this is true when swinging from either side of the plate.
We know this, you say.
Come on, Huck, be original, you say.
A not-too-often mentioned result of this Non-Offence stance is the implication that every deal, bargain, contract, agreement, conversation, and tertiary interaction between two or more people/organizations can only take place in a space of complete, total, 100% philosophic coherence. Anything less, and, well, fuck that – it’s Boycottin’ Time!
Used to be, in days gone by, that the purchase of a chicken sandwich entitled you to One (1) Chicken Sandwich. It did not entitle you to an explicit agreement between you and the proprietor that the establishment will now and forever stand as the vanguard for your political, religious, moral, or ethical preferences and prejudices.
Money is only an arbiter of exchange for goods offered and/or services rendered between you and another party. It is not an endorsement, wholesale or otherwise, of the other party’s operable philosophy, nor
does it deem you a stakeholder in the definition of that philosophy.
And this is true for conservative buggaboos as well.
But wait a second, you say.
Just wait one Goddamn second, you say.
I don’t want my money supporting Buggaboo X, you say.
What if the company spends my money supporting Buggaboo X, you say.
Aside from the small matter that it’s not “your” money anymore, since it was exchanged for the good or service, the problem is a false one. Would you give your employer the discretion to decide how and where
you could spend your pay after you’ve deposited your check? If your employer didn’t want to support, say, the NRA,, would it be appropriate for that employer to ban any contributions on your part to
that organization using the money it paid you?
Of course not. It’s not their money anymore. Paying you doesn’t entitle them to foist their beliefs onto you; they exchanged money with you for your labor. Why would that relationship be any fundamentally different between you and any other establishment? Now, if denying any and all funding for Buggaboo X is more important to you than a chicken sandwich, so be it. Forego the chicken sandwich, and sleep well knowing that the fraction of the slice of the sliver of profit that the one chicken sandwich would have generated is safely out of the hands of whatever you have a stick up your ass about. But don’t pretend you’re saving the world or marching to Montgomery about it, is all I’m saying.
Now on to the right side of the batter’s box.
I don’t need to know what the owners, operators, stockholders, or overseers of a company support, how they support it, or what they believe in their heart of hearts. Make your product well and sell it
efficiently. That is all that should be asked for. For everything else, cram it with walnuts. I don’t want nor need to know that you think gay marriage is a sin, that George Bush hates black people, or
that women aren’t funny. Just as my $1 is not an endorsement of any philosophy held by those I exchange it with, neither is a proprietorship a license to insist that your opinion is inseparable from the brand or the product. I will grant that the latter is mostly an issue of a media apparatus that insists on sticking a microphone into the face of every minutely prominent person willing to talk into it.
Shakespeare famously urged us to kill the lawyers, and we did not heed him.
If he only knew what is now so obvious, that a genocide of reporters is far more necessary.
At any rate, if a particular establishment, let’s call it Chik-fil-A, makes a mean chicken sandwich that you happen to enjoy, simply walk through the front door, order that chicken sandwich, pay the posted price (plus tax!) and enjoy. That’s all that your money entitles you to.

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3 Responses

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  1. Giraffe said, on August 3, 2012 at 07:26

    Oh shut up Huck.

    If there was a Chicken Joint within a hundred miles I’d buy a sandwich. This is WAR!

    From what I know, the owner of Chick Fil A was asked his opinion, and gave it. He’s entitled to have it, and to say it.

    Then Rahm Emmanual denied him a permit to build a restaurant in Chicago. Because he has precisely the attitude you are writing against. Then we had a large groundswell of support and purchasing of chicken sandwiches because people are tired of having the PC agenda shoved down their throats and wanted to stand with them.

  2. notbob said, on August 4, 2012 at 22:09

    As one of the six (6) people who still read your blog, and someone who looks forward to your screeds, I have one word for you:


    This is a distraction. As it is, it’s a stupid distraction. I live next to a dude who teaches womens studies and gender issues. He’s a damn good neighbor, as neighbors go. We don’t agree on shit, but we can sit there after spending 3 hours getting our shared driveway clean after 12″ of snow and bitch that it sucked, then drink.

    This is hype, it’s stupid, let’s not think about the decline into shit that our country is going through. Let’s think if your sandwich is PC.

    If you want the benefits of a civil union (all the gov’t can grant) fine, have fun with the bullshit that breaking the union involves. Fair is fair. Want to call it marriage, find a church that endorses it. There really is NO reason for gov’t to be involved – that’s social engineering in the tax code.

    Giraffe, this ain’t the war to fight – give them what they want. If you want to be MARRIED join the church of our mother gaia, or we must stop global warming, whoever will call it marriage. Catholics won’t have it. You can’t change fundamental beliefs, and if you try, we’ll fight. Let them point out that they’re the fringe, that they’re somehow special. Then fuck them when they think we need to pay for anything for being their own special little rainbow. That’s where society will break. Where it’s starting to crack now. “Shelter” probably has an opinion on what’s happening in Cali.

    I eat Chik-Fil-A because they make darn good chicken. Their breakfasts are spectacularly tasty. Their catchup packets are well designed for eating awesome waffle fries. You can get hot sauce, and the restaurants are kept clean compared to most.

    If they came out in favor of gay marriage, I’d say it’s fine, the gov’t shouldn’t be involved in that. What goes on between consenting adults is not mine to decide. Here’s my three bucks, give me a tasty chicken sandwich.

  3. kfc said, on August 18, 2012 at 18:35

    I agree, but I’m still going to make a snarky tshirt. Whenever I get around to it…

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