Rollin' Like Sisyphus

Wherein Huckleberry Officially Endorses A Candidate For President Of The United States Of America, A Candidate Who Is Not Deceased, Nor A Fictional Character, Nor A Member Of A “Fringe” Political Party

Posted in Election 2012 by Huckleberry on August 22, 2012

After careful consideration of the circumstances, such as they are, I’ve made a decision on who I think needs to call the White House home for the next four years.
Care to guess?
My candidate is below the fold, in more ways than the literal:

Pragmatism, motherfucker, do you speak it? Plus, this way I’ll get invited to all of the cool, hip LA parties again…


Really.
Yes, really.
Stop looking at me like that.
Why, you ask.
Just who in the Hell do you think you are, you ask.
ARE YOU PLAYING SOME KIND OF SICK GODDAMN JOKE, YOU GODDAMN FREAK, you ask.
To answer those salient questions, I’d like to point out that I’ve been “convinced” by the lesser-evil argument.
What we need is stone-cold pragmatism.
You want the lesser evil?
A GOP congress and a Dem White House heading into a period where it’s anybody’s game for the next Presidential election cycle means, in effect, the government shuts down from fucking us with our underwear on for four years.
What about repealing ObamaCare, you ask.
What about fixing the economy, you ask.
SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU PLAYING SOME KIND OF SICK GODDAMN JOKE, A JOKE WITHOUT A GODDAMN PUNCHLINE, A JOKE THAT’S NOT FUNNY AT ALL, YOU GODDAMN FREAK, you ask.
ObamaCare ain’t going to be repealed, not with President Ladies Tee, not with the Stormin’ Mormon. It’s here to stay until we run out of money, which is sooner than you think, so in true Office Space fashion, it’ll just work itself out naturally.
As for jobs and the economy, a Romney victory may induce some initial hiring/rehiring in Q2 of 2013, but that will all be short-lived. The foundational elements of the economy aren’t going to be fixed by either candidate, because neither one can or will see the fundamental problems for what they are.
My reasons for the endorsement are three:
Pragmatically: A divided government will ruin our lives less.
Principally: No reason to tarnish and pulverize the principles of fiscal responsibility through the “applied redefinition” of a Romney presidency.
Comically: I don’t know if I can quit the ineptitude of Barack “Pass Me The Rock” Obama. You, too, will miss him when he’s gone, pulling up the Drudge Report five times a day to see how the supreme genius of our time fucked up again.
Also, if the O-Force goes quietly into his goodnight so soon, it’s not going to come out that the reason he won’t release his transcripts has nothing to do with his grades (affirmative action!). It has to do with the fact that, given the SNAFU with the author’s bio on his very first book, he lied and said he was a foreign-born student to get into college despite no record of distinction, as well as to get that college education gratis. If the O-Force gets a second, lame-duck term with a GOP congress, that shit’s coming out, and there will be the gnashing of the teeth, the heaping of the ashes, the tearing of the sackcloth, and all the rest of it.
Can you really pass that up?
So there it is.
And hey, they’re always telling me that a vote for a Libertarian candidate is a vote for this guy anyway, so what’s the difference?
Stop looking at me like that…

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9 Responses

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  1. El Borak said, on August 22, 2012 at 22:03

    I can dig it. In fact, if I was forced to choose between Thing 2 and Thing 1, I’d choose the O Thing rather than that other thing. Plus, we get to keep Biden as VP, which very red-blooded American ought to value more than life itself, herself, whatever.

  2. Doom said, on August 23, 2012 at 05:00

    Right or wrong, I think you should stick to stock picks… Still, it’s a gas, in a way. Though… a little sad. I actually am not sure Reps are going to get congress. I don’t think the senate is theirs. Whether I like it or not I think Romney is going to win by a landslide though, one that makes the Reagan win seem slim. And I am about as for him as I am Jimmy. I simply gave up on politics. Though… I think you less gave up than gave in. That’s my view. At least you could vote libertarian, or write in Batman even. But this? Meh, your choice.

    • Huckleberry said, on September 15, 2012 at 18:08

      Well, let me be clear. I have never cast a vote for President of the United States since I’ve been able to vote, and I don’t plan to now. Mostly my votes are for local water board members, judges, and state/municipal ballot props. I’m also not voting for President this time around. And had the GOP maybe put Wrong Paul in the President slot, instead of the JV slot, they’d have this thing locked up by now. But of course, the Stormin’ Mormon is born to underwhelm.

  3. Giraffe said, on August 23, 2012 at 07:18

    There’s a certain logic to it, but I think I’m sitting this one out.

  4. kfc said, on September 11, 2012 at 14:19

    Still, since I’m in California and we know who will win here (don’t we?), can’t I just vote 3rd party on principle? Although, it would be funny to me to vote O now, when I didn’t last time… And no, I didn’t pull the lever for McCain.

    • Huckleberry said, on September 15, 2012 at 18:09

      You are welcome to vote any way you see fit.
      And, as your friend, I won’t even judge you for it.
      Because my name is synonymous with magnanimity.

  5. kfc said, on October 4, 2012 at 10:23

    you won’t judge me for it just a friend, well that’s NICE, but charity’s not the issue here… and, I thought it meant “bright fame.” I reckon that’s kind of the same. You’re Magnan PI.


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