Rollin' Like Sisyphus

They Killed Dillinger For Less; Plus Eurotrash Slapfight Looms As ‘The Continent’ Gets Back To Its Roots

Posted in Vive Le France by Huckleberry on March 20, 2013

Like a pendulum do. Plus, cultural inertia is beyond your control, Bob.

So someone atop an ivory-tinged tower in Brussels thought it’d be a super swell idea to take up fiduciary banditry through a Rube Golderberg-esque stratagem of bailouts and deposit seizures, hoping no one would notice because no one gives a damn about the poor peasants of the useless island of Cyprus.

Or the Russian Ex-KGB Mafiosi, which is really where this story begins, and where it will end.

Everyone who’s been insisting that the next worldwide war between major powers would be in the Pacific, raise your hand.

Good, thank you.

You’re dismissed on account of being too short for this ride.

Of course it’s Europe. It was, is, and ever will be the combustion chamber of humanity.

What will really be interesting this time, though, is that none of the usual players have much of a military anymore, trading bombs and tanks for Euros and MEPs. Russia is the most formidable, but not what she once was, with an economy held together by chewing gum and existential dread. Germany’s only advantage is its economy, until it’s the only nation left trading in Euros. France and England have nominal, War-on-Terror fatigued militaries that continue to be reduced to Boxing Day Parade novelties. The French still have the Legionnaires and the Brits still have something resembling a navy, along with the SAS, but beyond that, the next formidable military belongs to the Danes who don’t really have a dog in the hunt, but if they let slip their hounds of war, bet on them. Like the Israelis, their military is capable of extraordinary things despite every possible disadvantage, because they take the money that everyone else spends on Joint Strike Fighters and trains/supplies the fuck out of their infantry.

How does it play out?

I don’t know, but I bet a few German parliament members are puckered now that Russia is cheesed off, nearly backed into a corner, and the O-Force dismantled the NATO missile defense system that all of a sudden doesn’t seem like a relic of a by-gone era.

Russia could invade with really nothing to stop them except money, but history shows that, sometimes, when you’re out of that too, you really have nothing to lose.

The wild card, of course, is Turkey, who hates the Russians, has a considerable stake in a stable and prosperous Cyprus, has a formidable military and a bit of a loose-cannon government, and has suffered nearly 30 years of the EU sticking a collective finger into its eye over issues big and small.

The other wild card is the UN. Could be that the Germans, er, the EU calls in the Blue Helmets to take on all comers, which would have wide-ranging, unpredictable but ultimately devastating geo-political ramifications in every corner of the world.

The other, other wild card is America, which will probably sit this one out not because it wouldn’t love to roll through the Maginot line again, but because it simply won’t have the money, and pictures of US warplanes bombing Anglo-Saxons, Gauls, or Prussians in the parking lot of IKEA’s Home Office would make it too hard to fake the unemployment numbers. At least that’s how it’d be perceived.

Reality is, a swarthy angry mob is just as swarthy and angry in London, Lisbon or Le Havre as it was in Algers, Morroco or Egypt, and I have it on good authority that President Drone Strike never met a swarthy mob he didn’t want lob Hellfire missiles into with gleeful abandon.

The biggest loser would, of course, be proponents of socialized medicine, because with Europe once again in flames, there would be no one left for our self-appointed betters to point to and smarmily quip “it works for them.”

Who am I kidding, Europe in flames wouldn’t stop that, but the most important question is, this time, would it be considered a European Civil War or just some old school Franz Ferdinand shit?

Buckle up, we’ll know soon enough.


2 Responses

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  1. El Borak said, on March 20, 2013 at 08:21

    While stealing Vlad to the P’s drug money was not the worst idea to come out of Europe in the last century or so, it wasn’t one of the best, either.

    • Huckleberry said, on March 20, 2013 at 12:15

      Well, it looks like the Cyprus government “fixed the glitch” so it should all just work itself out naturally…

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