Rollin' Like Sisyphus

The Children Are Our Future – No Need For Sunglasses

Posted in The Fail Pail by Huckleberry on February 17, 2014

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We used to look forward to things like the future.

Speaking of the horrors of quotidian working life, a young Florida woman wants none of it. Rather than calling in sick, or telling her boss she had car trouble, she instead makes up a rather more elaborate reason for her tardiness:

Alexandra Westover, 21, of Boca Raton, had reported a frightening, broad-daylight rape to the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office. The tale, which authorities now say is fake, was full of details. She told detectives she had a flat tire about 9 a.m. on Tuesday and pulled over in the side of the Florida Turnpike. A white man in a white vehicle soon pulled over and asked if she needed help, Westover reportedly told authorities. The man supposedly asked for a sharp object to pry the hubcap loose. When she opened her passenger door and leaned in, the man attacked, shoving her from behind and sexually assaulting her in the car, Westover reported, according to police.

Well, then.
That’s decidedly more serious.

Crime fighters launched a full-scale search for the phantom rapist, wasting more than 100 man hours before Westover finally admitted the hoax, according to a sheriff’s office statement. The Florida Highway Patrol reviewed turnpike video and couldn’t find images Westover’s vehicle anywhere on the recordings.

I guess her boss is a real impersonal dick, for a young woman to have to come up with such an over-reactive excuse, right?

A deputy followed up and Westover admitted she lied because she didn’t want to get in trouble for skipping work at her great-uncle’s house.

It’s bad when you have to confabulate a sexual assault on a busy highway just to get out working for a relative.
Millennial, ladies and gentlemen.
The next 25 years are really going to rock.

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