Rollin' Like Sisyphus

Thine Pail Overfloweth With FAIL

Posted in The Fail Pail by Huckleberry on October 14, 2014

A perfect plan.

A perfect plan.

Given the state of the world at the moment, one does have to ask the decreasingly rhetorical question of what comes first – the incompetence or the decline. While each naturally reinforces the other, are we more dumb and incompetent as a result of sliding down the southern slope of civilization, or are we using dullardry and incompetence as the cross-country skiing sticks to push us along more quickly?
I guess when we finally get to the end of the ride, the answer to that question won’t matter.
In the meantime, though, a modicum of mental alacrity is important to hold on to, so let’s sift the question around the back of our minds while we dive into a grab-bag of suck.
First up, let’s calibrate hopelessly provincial sensibilities to a more global perspective:

• The average person is worth $56,000.
• If you have $3,650, including the value of your home, you’re among the wealthiest half of people in the world. (This is net wealth – so, once debts have been subtracted.) The other half own less than 1pc of global wealth, while 77pc of adults – that’s 3.3bn people – have less than $10,000.
• The top 10pc of people – membership requirement is $77,000 – hold 87pc of the world’s wealth.
• You need $798,000 to make it into the top percentile of the world’s wealthiest. This select group accounts for almost half – 48.2pc – of global assets.

Excellent news.
If cost-of-living were universal, the world would tip off its axis in a handful of hours.
And hey, call me old fashioned, but I’m pretty sure most of the world’s wealth is still underground.
Moving on, it’s worth noting that the Stormin’ Mormon is a lot like Marvelous Marvin Hagler in demanding a rematch that can’t constitutionally take place:

People in Romney’s vast political orbit who are waiting and wishing on him to launch another campaign said Romney has done little to quiet them and has been hazy about his plans following next month’s midterm elections. Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty (R), who briefly ran against Romney in 2012 before becoming a close ally, said he wants to see Romney give it another go. “There is a feeling that the country missed out on an exceptional president,” Pawlenty said.

The fun part of this act is where the Stormin’ Mormon plays coy, making it seem as though he’ll have to be “drafted” into running again, just like he was “drafted” in 2012 and 2008.
I’m sorry, but you don’t get pushed into running for president even once, let alone three consecutive times.
But it would save me the trouble from having to come up with a nickname for the eventual GOP nominee if Romney spins the bottle one more time, so there’s that.
The President of Guatemala has a surefire plan to help the United States curb illegal immigration – pay off his country with “billions” of dollars:

Last month, the three countries pitched Washington an ambitious development plan to confront the issue. They want to pump about $10 billion into the region to create jobs and lift living standards, with the bulk of funding coming from the United States, Perez told Reuters.

What could go wrong?
And finally, I’ve already told the Wife that if any of these clowns happen upon me, I’m shooting on sight:

The latest after-dark sighting came Saturday, when police in Bakersfield responded around 8 p.m. to a report of a clown holding a firearm. Officers searched but didn’t find anyone. The Bakersfield Californian reports that the latest sighting came after a week during which police received numerous calls about scary or mischievous clowns. According to the newspaper, police said they have arrested one minor who acknowledged dressing up and chasing younger juveniles.

Fucking clowns.


One Response

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  1. El Borak said, on October 14, 2014 at 21:12

    ‘Coulrophobia’ is my middle name, bro.

    But why do cannibals refuse to eat them?

    Because they taste funny.

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