Rollin' Like Sisyphus

A Morality Play In 10 Easy Lines

Posted in The Fail Pail by Huckleberry on March 12, 2015

Europe: We don’t like your Death Penalty, America.
America: Oh well.
Europe: We’re going to ban one of the drugs you need to kill your convicts.
America: So?
Europe: So that’ll put an end to it.
Utah: Fine. We’ll just shoot the bastards.
America: That’s not a bad idea. Cheaper, too.
Europe: Le crap…

I’m not a big fan of the death penalty as it’s currently implemented, but not so much on principle as practicality. I don’t trust the state to administer car registrations and bake sales, let alone with the adjudication of life and death matters. The government simply cannot be trusted to honestly try and convict those who it wishes to put to death.
As far as methods of execution, Firing Squad should be at the top of the list — when done correctly it’s quick, cheap and painless. Hanging is just a shat-splattered spectacle; the electric chair is the very definition of cruel and unusual; the gas chamber is like any other form of drowning — as awful to witness as it is to participate; lethal injection takes forever and a day, and the results are not the peaceful nap that the advertisements induce you to believe.
So yeah, Firing Squad.
Good for the Legionnaires, good enough for us…

Advertisements

8 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. El Borak said, on March 12, 2015 at 14:03

    I’ve been lately pondering the practicality of exile as a punishment of last resport, sort of an Escape From New York without eye patches and taxicabs. Surely we can find some cash-strapped Pacific archipelago willing to cede us a bigass tropical island. Then three strikes and you’ve got a one-way ticket there via military transport. If you should make it back the the US by pure, scrappy luck, we drop you off a second time without a chute.

    It’s not punishment in the normal sense* – I mean, who hasn’t dreamed of living out their days on a tropical island? It’s simply saying, “We are protecting ourselves from you by removing you from us. Live long and prosper. Somewhere else.”

    * Or if it is punishment, it’s most likely the kind that’s inflicted by the condemned on themselves.

    • El Borak said, on March 12, 2015 at 14:04

      last resport

      Dr. Freud strikes again, I see.

    • Huckleberry said, on March 16, 2015 at 11:21

      Oh I would desperately love to bring back the tried-and-true concept of exile.
      Somewhere along the way someone had the bright idea that it’d be a moral crime to not attempt to rehabilitate the convicted.
      There is also the slight possibility that with the exile scenario you get either:
      1) Australia
      2) A crazed and belligerent horde that goes all Heart of Darkness throughout the South Pacific; think ISIS in self-fashioned canoes constructed with dried banana husks and the wind-bleached skulls of the weakest among them.

  2. Giraffe said, on March 12, 2015 at 14:25

    I agree with you. I don’t trust the govt to get it right.

  3. Giraffe said, on March 12, 2015 at 14:29

    lethal injection takes forever and a day, and the results are not the peaceful nap that the advertisements induce you to believe.

    We put people under for surgery all the time. Why can we put them under, and then do a little surgery on the carotid artery?

    • Huckleberry said, on March 16, 2015 at 11:16

      Why can we put them under, and then do a little surgery on the carotid artery?

      Or simply asphyxiate them when they’re already under.
      They’d never know what hit them.

  4. Doom said, on March 13, 2015 at 04:02

    I have decided that I do trust. At this point, the very few who are actually executed have had decades of needless and excessive hearings from the most liberal judges, after having gone through the most lenient of court systems in the world. And this has not been good for the taxpayer, those who believe in swift justice, or anything. Some have escaped justice, such as Manson. Some have been freed only to go and commit exactly what their state and courts suggested they should be killed so as not to do again, or committed more murders right in their prison. The ultimate penalty has to be upheld and carried out. Parents not being allowed to spank their children is only going to lead to a greater need.

    It’s much like war. There will be collateral and incidental damage and death. It is as good as we can do. Are you suggesting we abandon any claim to war as well? War is far more destructive to non-combatants than the death penalty is to the civil population. Trusting the government isn’t a necessity, and doubts and demands for transparency and high standards, more so on some things, should be a patriotic duty. But abandoning one of the real duties and responsibilities of the government, which is to protect, is not a feasible option.

    This government is upside down and insisting 2 + 2 = 7. In part because what people are demanding is that 2 + 2 = 3, or 9, or 1. Incoherence leads only to further, but modified and codified, insanity. Bleh.

    • Huckleberry said, on March 16, 2015 at 11:30

      the very few who are actually executed have had decades of needless and excessive hearings from the most liberal judges

      Well sure, six rubber-stamp hearings may seem excessive; surely one rubber-stamp hearing will do. Everything else is just theater.
      But for a system where the prosecution is a political instrument as much as it is a adjudicational one, it’s disproportionate influence on who the state gets to kill and why — mostly to pad stats and clear a pathway for higher political office — abolishes any benefit of the doubt I’d ordinarily harbor. The prosecution in any case gets a direct, personal benefit from pushing the death penalty or using it as a cudgel to compel defendants to plea down instead. It is not an impartial decision weighed on the merits; it’s District Attorneys running up the score like they’re playing Madden.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: