Rollin' Like Sisyphus

A Draftacular Day For Craptacular Times

Posted in The Fail Pail by Huckleberry on April 30, 2015

The Draft’s “smart” QB, intentionally fumbling the ball away live on national television.

So the 2015 NFL Draft is set begin in just a few hours.
My team has been rumored to be contemplating something incredibly stupid for no good reason whatsoever, trading a proven performer and leader for an undersized gimmick with no discernable future in the NFL, a quandary precipitated by the team’s other absurd and incredibly stupid contemplation, moving to a place where no one wants them, and where the aforementioned proven performer doesn’t wish to play.
So if my team could just drop the latter insanity, the former would also take care of itself.
I could do this job.
Put me in, coach.
While it seems highly unlikely that the Chargers will actually make the trade for the pick that will land the moustached midget from Eugene who couldn’t hit the side of the Great Wall of China, it’s still in the realm of the possible.
You know, a move like that and I may just give up this football thing altogether.
Who am I kidding.
This draft class is mostly notable for how sparse it is. One decent, pro-ready QB who by every method of observation is dumber than a bag of rocks despite scoring as well as Peyton Manning on the NFL’s IQ test, a few standout athletes at various positions, then a whole lot of suck. I get the feeling that as long as the new draft class isn’t caught out for doing something else that offends upper-middle class white women and ESPN (but I repeat myself) requiring an awareness campaign and even more hectoring PSAs, everyone will be happy.
Except for coaches who have to, you know, field a good team of talented players.
Can’t say as I’ve ever seen a draft class this thin at multiple positions.
If your long-suffering team is looking for a QB, good luck.
If your long-suffering team is in need of a good wide receiver or running back, good luck.
Need a linebacker?
There’s one (1) rock-solid pick in this class.
Good luck with that.
It’s also worth noting that the projected top three picks will not even attend the Draft, creating a unique situation where the Commissioner will be up there reading names and killing clock for 30 minutes without actually handing anyone a jersey. It’s getting so bad that the top picks in the draft don’t even want to be in the room anymore.
I do wonder if this is the point in the arc of the NFL where they’re just about to descend down the first hill of the roller coaster, never again to return to their all-time high. Do note that in the 1980s, boxing was at its zenith; it seemed like it’d never end. Tell 1980s guy that boxing would be all but vanished from the face of the Earth in 30 years, he’d look at you through coke-soaked eyes like you were a lunatic. And yet here we are, the last-ever “big” boxing match between two ultra-featherweights few if any could pick out of a police lineup.
That will likely be the NFL in 30 years.
That’s why I’m going to enjoy its last years of fleeting relevance until it’s beyond unbearable for me to do so, because it is just about the only dynamic thing remaining in life. There’s work at work, there’s work at home, there’s a few brief respites in between, and that’s that. My philosophical, political, social, moral, and ethical outlooks are locked in and good to go. If I never read another bit of criticism, commentary, analysis or source work in any of those areas again, that’s fine. I’m good with that. As science goes even farther afield than it did when I studied it, I see little if any need to remain well-read on the subject. Reading fiction is like wandering the Sahara following the crash of the Lady Be Good; maybe you’ll strike it lucky and find an oasis or two, but your chances of making it back to civilization alive are decidedly stacked against you.
So I watch sports while I still can.
When that’s done, it’ll just be work at work, and work at home, and we all know what that did to Jack Nicholson.
Good luck.

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7 Responses

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  1. El Borak said, on April 30, 2015 at 10:44

    I sometimes wonder if the Vikings should just take every CB in the draft.

    • Huckleberry said, on April 30, 2015 at 12:23

      Wouldn’t be the worst strategy.
      Especially this year.

      • El Borak said, on April 30, 2015 at 18:49

        Off to a good start. Trae Waynes (CB) Michigan St with #11. El B doesn’t even watch football and he’s 1-1,

        It’s ok, when I was watching them I could predict the Vikes’ play calls about 60% of the time. Unfortunately, that means everyone else was probably hitting 75%…

      • El Borak said, on April 30, 2015 at 20:12

        he’s 1-1,

        By which I mean 1-of-1, not 1-and-1. That won’t be true until the second round.

        That said, can you imagine how good a HS team with Trae Waynes and Melvin Gordon on it was?

  2. Huckleberry said, on May 1, 2015 at 10:12

    That said, can you imagine how good a HS team with Trae Waynes and Melvin Gordon on it was?

    Seriously.
    Vikes got a good CB, and it looks like they’re keeping a disgruntled Peterson for the duration.
    That’s good.
    In what’s starting to become tradition, the Chargers spent three draft picks for one guy again. Quality doesn’t always outstrip quantity, and I’m almost certain Gordon would have still been there two spots later, but alas.
    As long as they go hard at some D line help today, and only spend one draft pick per player, I’m fine.

    Nate is going apoplectic over Mariota though. Can’t decide which of the three rants were best, the one on Twitter, the one on Facebook or the one on VD’s blog.
    Worth the price of admission, right there.

    • Huckleberry said, on May 4, 2015 at 10:18

      Vikings had a great draft.
      They got one of the best linebackers available to pair with the other UCLA linebacker they got last year.
      Meanwhile, the Chargers filled a bunch of needs with guys I’ve never heard of — and I follow college football pretty close; I’m familiar with most of the players three tiers deep — and only the Chargers seem to reach for guys I’d never heard of before.
      So that should end well.

      • El Borak said, on May 5, 2015 at 04:36

        Someday all that great drafting’s gonna pay off. Heh, there I go, talking like a Vikings fan again.


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