Rollin' Like Sisyphus

Q: Is This Hell? A: Nope, It’s Iowa

Posted in Uncategorized by Huckleberry on February 2, 2016

Election Season is GO.
One down, and it was a pip.
The Iowa Caucuses are a funny thing. Winning them can be as detrimental as losing them, depending on the prevailing social mood.
Here’s a list of previous winners of the Iowa Caucuses spanning my time on this Earth, this gay miserable Earth:

    Rick Santorum
    Barack Obama
    Mike Huckabee
    John Kerry
    George W. Bush
    Al Gore
    Bob Dole
    Tom Harkin
    Dick Gephardt
    Bob Dole
    Walter Mondale
    George H.W. Bush
    Uncommitted (twice!)

How many of those went on to become president in that election cycle?
Two out of 14.
Iowa doesn’t exactly have its finger on the pulse of the country, but it’s still the type of horse-trading and politicking that everyone likes to crow about, so let’s unleash the murder (of crows. A murder of crows, for those in the government who happen by this post. Thank you for your service.) That being said, however, save for a few exceptions the state actually does a better job at sorting out each party’s eventual nominee a lot better than one would be led to believe by the press constantly insisting that “Iowa always choses the loser because the last guy lost” or some such. So when those data points are taken into account, one simply has to accept the fact that this, along with every other primary to come, is less a prognostication than it is for a limited barometer with extenuating circumstances.
Cruz won, but in a way so did Trump, and despite my white-hot loathing for this type of punditry, Rubio really did emerge as a winner as well. He’s the official Pool Boy of THE ESTABLISHMENT class, Republican Edition, and I’m fairly certain sometime between New Hampshire and South Carolina, JEB! will either call it quits or have the plug pulled on him. As for the others, the theory that the exceedingly high turnout was a “response” to Trump to “drown out the interloper” is incorrect, when one considers that Trump’s constituency doesn’t overlap that of Cruz or Rubio hardly at all. The higher numbers support my theory that they are the political neophytes on board the Trump Train, with Rubio and Cruz garnering the numbers that they roughly would’ve had anyway.
How that plays out down the stretch is anyone’s guess at this point, but if the same effect doesn’t take place in New Hampshire and South Carolina, and by a lot, I don’t think the Trump Train makes it to the Super Tuesday station in one piece.
As for the Democrats, oh holy Hell is this going to be a show.
With every shady trick in the book, including bussing in outsiders, disappearing ballot results from entire precincts, and rigging coin flips so a Tom Stoppard-esque six coin flips in a row all fall for CLINTON II, and the convict-elect still only won by .4% despite leading in the polls by double digits just a couple of weeks ago, and now heads to New Hampshire where she trails by double digits, with many more delegates at stake.
I’m beginning to wonder, if one accepts the Conspiracy Theory of History, whether the pending indictment is simply an escape hatch designed as a failsafe for those unsure among the Powers That Be that CLINTON II could actually win an election with any plausibility. It may just be time for them to punch out.
Away we go.


One Response

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  1. Doom said, on February 2, 2016 at 20:15

    Oh, that’s cute. Someone is excited with his birthday presents! Not knocking you, just laughing. On Dems, I think I agree. On the same other party, not so sure. I’m not absolutely sure I have a horse in the race, if I may yet lose coin on the matters. Though, by now, you should know politics is as sports… rigged. Everybody knows, they just don’t all realize they know, I guess.

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